One more week before Staci's big test. She has been so diligent in her studies and we hope she can find some peace this next week to focus her attention on the test and not our lives. Our time in Cleveland has been full of love but an extreme challenge for us. My parents landlord doesn't want us here and now makes us park our car down the road when we stay there. The small 2 bedroom condo of Staci's mom is full of love but not space. Imagine the 6 of us all crashing in one bedroom every night. Our transmission is about to call it quits and our brakes are needing to be replaced. We are completely humbled and at the mercy of the next financial demand life throws at us. We are homeless, unemployed, alone and this time not feeling much love.
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| As Lukah calls her "My Best Grandma"..not great but best! She will be 90 this feb. |
We still lack soild direction for the outreach and long to know whats next. We see the vision in our distance but, can't seem to find joy in the day to day. We believe in the hope and have plans in place but they lack momentum. With every day, here in this wasteland, our desire to stay committed to the vision, gets more and more difficult. As Staci and I talk at night we struggle to find rest don't feel united to serve anymore. We feel lost, alone, abandoned and full of doubt even though we are around people who care deeply for us. Our hope is this season ends now and find a way to get this ball rolling.
In 8 days we will be freed from whats kept us here in Cleveland but, lack any solid plans to move towards...well, we have no idea where to go next. I have been working for my father when work is available, and that has kept us busy but really want to avoid the trap of stability outside of this outreach.
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| Cousin Jay and his new wife Jes. We love you and had a blast...she spins fire by the way! |
Yes we have completed all the paper work for "Chrysalis", our non-profit that will oversee the vision's infrastructure and development. This has been a blessed process...the only solid thing we have at this point. The vast paper work and all the needed language to secure it were gifted to us by a wonderful man who helps people start non-profits. We now have to raise the $1000 for the federal filing fee but believe this come once we are offical. Once the federal paperwork is complete we will be able to begin securing resources needed for the start-up. However, we feel challenged every hour whether or not to walk away from this vision and settle into a life with more financial security.
We hope there is a stirring in your heart to walk with us towards this huge vision. We can't do it without passionate people united in its purpose. Thanks for you friendship, support and love.
Wow. In regards to trying to be obedient to God and then feeling like ones commitment to obeying Him is not joyous; Here's just my two cents because I'm Jewish, haha, that's not funny, this is a call for desperate measures, I just have to share a little here. I don't think God wants anybody to be a martyr. If one is in resistance to something, (like if the energy one feels when considering any certain subject is just bad, like something they just don't like, or can't stand) that's just a sign that something is off in ones vision of what God wants for them, for God doesn't want you to feel that. God wants you to feel peace and joy, which come from love shared. If you can't feel peace and joy about what you think God is saying then you are probably mistaking what God is really saying. But if you have to make decisions like that of going to war, or something really life changing and challenging and you for some reason have no choice about it, and you really have no choice about it in truth, then you must do what ever you have to do and then if it's really God who led you into that, then God will be there to be your strength, and I have never been to war like that, so I can't rightly speak about it, but, if it's God, I do know Him, and if it's Him, He will be continually guiding you by His ever constant voice, maybe not continuously because our attention span to focus on Him is so weak at times, but ya know, He will be there when we find time for Him, and then we will get a little taste, and then we go back to our forgetting mode. He is here tenderly filling you with knowledge of joy to do His will, and the joy is in the communion of your knowing a two way, true relationship with His will and your desire. And of course there are seasons where we are distant from hearing His voice because it takes us a while to figure out what is really His voice, and it's as hard as we make it.
ReplyDeleteYour vision of what God wants for you must be happiness and peace and I haven't talked to you guys in a long time and I really don't know what your vision is, but I know God wants you to be happy, I love you Staci and Shane:) Zohar